I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
