Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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