Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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