This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
