I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
