While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
