I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
