Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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