I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
