im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
