this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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