the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
