I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Everyone says I win the strip club
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
