i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
