This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
