And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
