Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
