New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize