hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
