I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
