You can't special order awesome
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize