My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
