So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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