It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
