I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
