I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
