but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
