matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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