I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
