I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
