just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
