My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
