Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
