Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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