u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You need a sexual gate keeper
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
