I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
