im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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