drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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