The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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