i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
