I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
