Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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