You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
