Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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