Can i not drive my cunt home
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
