I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm going to jail i love you
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
