The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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