this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
