woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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