If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
you inspire me to be a worse person
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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