he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
