I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
