Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
