it wasn't lemon gatorade
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
