Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
