Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize