My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
