Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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