you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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