go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize