it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize