I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
