Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize