I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
