I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
