i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
