So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize