Someone shit on the floor
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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