I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
