I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
i now understand why vodka
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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