So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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