i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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