Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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