wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
