Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize